Merry Christmas?

So this isn't exactly how I envisioned spending Alyssa's first Christmas. She should be covered in wrapping paper, not tubes. It doesn't really seem like there's much to be "merry" about -- that may just be the self-pity talking, but it's how we feel right now.

In any event, the family has come to visit and spend time with us in the hospital, as we couldn't possibly bear to leave our little girl's side. Honestly, they're a welcome distraction -- well, as distracted as you can be from all the beeps, buzzes and other sounds we're so keenly attuned to now.

We've planned a "second" Christmas, to be celebrated at a later date once we're out of the hospital. Alyssa's presents are all wrapped and ready for her little hands to work over. The hospital has left a (very) large bag labeled "To: Alyssa, From: Santa" containing what appears to be a bunch of toys. This is quite possibly the most simultaneously heart-warming and heart-breaking event of the past week -- I don't know whether to cry tears of happiness or sadness.

I'd trade it all to just hold her in my arms and have her coo at me lovingly.

Please, Santa?

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